I decided to leave out the "stupid" part...we can all draw our own conclusions.  :-)

 Ring ring "I am calling regarding status of one of our orders"

"What's the order number?"  (order number given) (read thru e-mails)  "This abstractor has been non-responsive despite several tries.  We're trying to get an eta, but they have not responded to our e-mails as of three hours ago.  We'll keep trying."

"OK.  So we should expect this back tonight?"

At this point, the sighing mixed with laughter commences and I've probably lost ANOTHER client because I can't keep the sarcasm out of my voice.  Oh well.  It's almost Friday.... (HEY, don't ruin the delusion, ok?)