If you don't laugh , check for a pulse

AD POSTED ON CRAIGSLIST LOS ANGELES last week
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MY IRANIAN PARENTS BASEMENT FOR YOUR MANSION IN BEVERLY HILLS (MONTREAL-QUEBEC-CANADA)

Date: 2010-08-23, 9:05AM PDT
Reply to: ( i removed it)

 

Looking to swap my parents basement for a Mansion in Beverly Hills for a few months next winter while I'm in Los Angeles to pitch my comedy script.

The ideal candidate would be someone who

-Enjoys spending time in a cold damp basement with asbestos insulation across the ceiling.

-Enjoys eating Persian food, served nightly at 11pm(You will be eating alot of it, my mother only knows how to cook for ten or more people at a time).

-Enjoys Persian leftovers served daily at 2 pm.

-Enjoys second hand smoke, often from several people at a time.

-Enjoys the soothing sounds of a water heater running all night.

-Enjoys having there blood pressure taken every two hours.

-Enjoys lively debates about American imperalism and unjust American foreign policies towards the middle east and particularly towards Iran with my uncle Hassan. (Must be willing to accept full responsibility for the 1953 coup d'etat and apologize on behalf of Americans whenever deemed necessary).

-Enjoys long conversations in English, with my mother who will be speaking in French with some Farsi thrown in, but believes she is actually speaking to you in English.

-Enjoys long conversations with my aunt Soussan about the difficulties of finding a good husband,
 
who is rich, young(enough), handsome, taller then her, Iranian, not from Isfahan, not Tork(unless
 
he owns his own business and speaks Farsi without a Tork accent), educated, doesn't have a
 
temper, loves to cook, loves to clean, does not fart, does not steal, does not lie, is not addicted to
 
opium, does not womanize, is not already married to someone else in Iran for four months out of
 
the year, has a car, has a large house in Iran, has a large condo in Dubai, has good eyesight and
 
is able to read prescription medication labels, loves to listen, loves to agree, has very few
 
opinions, opinions that he does have are the same as my aunt Soussan's, is able to go with her to
 
the doctor to translate all her symptoms to the doctor and does not take up much space in the
 
bed. (If anybody knows someone who fits this description PLEASE PLEASE contact me ASAP. PLEASE!!!).

-Enjoys being woken up at three thirty am every Friday morning by relatives in Iran who are
 
calling for no particular reason other then to know how everyone is doing and did not realize that
 
it is not eight thirty am here but actually three thirty am. The same as it was last week when they
 
called at three thirty am.

-Is a people person, because there will always be people over, ALWAYS!!!

-Does not mind being interrupted while in the shower by an old Iranian lady who needs you to talk
 
to a telemarketer who can get you a great deal on your long distance calls because she can not
 
understand what he is saying and apparently he does not understand her English.

-Believes passive aggressive compliments are just as good as real compliments.

-Is able to translate a movie in Farsi while watching it for the first time and still understanding what
 
is going on at the same time.

-Does not need companionship from the opposite sex while in town,
 
BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NONE OF THAT IN THIS HOUSE.

If you are interested and fit the above critera, I would be willing to swap for a large gated mansion
 
with swimming pool,
 
 preferably above Sunset, for the months of February through April.

Priority will be given to those who are in the entertainment industry.

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